I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
