smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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