Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
3 2 1 whiskey
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
