Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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