i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
