I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"