I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.