We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs