Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants