We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!