Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When are your genitals available?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
