I bet he comes in French.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
