Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
