Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
