Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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