I got chris browned last night
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
