are you still at the devil's house?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
