Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
