whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
