He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
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i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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