...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
