you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
