Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
