every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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