Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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