We need to rekindle our bromance
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
