Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
