you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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