I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
