Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
