In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him