i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting