Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
