i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize