I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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