Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
