So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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