I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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