Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize