I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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