there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
