moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
