DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
