this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
