TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
