I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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