remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
