There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
