not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
