My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
