I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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