Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize