Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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