A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
