I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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