How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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