I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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