Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
