Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize