brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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