where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
