Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The Olympian is in my bed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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