I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
